Commentary / Mani Shankar Aiyar

Yes, Prime Minister is dozing

The top-secret recommendations of the Pay Commission have been filched and photocopied, and are in such wide circulation that they are being used by halwais to wrap up samosas and aloo-tikias.

Mani-Talk has secured from the same raddiwallah a fragment from the verbatim record of a recent Cabinet meeting, reproduced below:

CABINET SECRETARIAT

Minutes of the meeting held on *** (date is stained/illegible)

Present:

Prime Minister (Shri Deve Gowda)

Foreign Minister (Shri I K Gujral)

Home Minister (Shri Indrajit Gupta)

Defence Minister (Shri Mulayam Singh Yadav)

Finance Minister (Shri P Chidambaram)

Railway Minister (Shri Ram Vilas Paswan)

Human Resource Development Minister (Shri S R Bommai)

Information Minister (Shri C M Ibrahim)

Commerce Minister (Shri B B Ramaiah)

Communications Minister (Shri Beni Prasad Verma)

Industry Minister (Shri Murasoli Maran)

Health Minister (Shri Saleem Shervani)

Welfare Minister (Shri B S Ramoowalia)

(The prime minister entered, yawned, called the meeting to order, and gently dozed off.)

Finance Minister: Sir, I wish to bring to your attention, as a matter of the utmost urgency, that the settlement made with out Cabinet authorisation by the communications minister.......

Defence Minister: Yeh kya bak raha hai?

Communications Minister: Mulayamji, mujhe bachao, yeh mera khandan kar raha hai!

Defence Minister: Kiska maa ke bachche ko mere aadmi ko khandan karne ka adhikar hai? Dikhaun ga (expletive deleted) ko!

Finance Minister: Prime Minister Sir, this is intolerable. I am trying to raise a matter of national importance and these people are interrupting in the national language. Will you restore order, Prime Minister, Sir?

Prime Minister:Zzzzz..

Welfare Minister: Dassoji, dasso. Ki pharak painda?

Information Minister: Don't mind, finance ministerji. I am here to translate.

Finance Minister: What are they saying?

Information Minister: Let it go, ji. Just continue.

Finance Minister: Sir, after the settlement without reference to me of the bonus issue by the railway minister....

Railway Minister: Mera naam liya?

Information Minister: Naam nahin, sirf aapka takhallus.

Finance Minister: As it is the World Bank, the IMF, etc., are jumping on me for the budget deficit. And first the railway minister promises millions to his railwaymen....

Railway Minister: My money. How you come into it? Railway budget, my budget. Deficit budget, your budget. I no ask you about deficit. Why you ask me about bonus?

Finance Minister: Mr Prime Minister, Sir, you must explain to our colleagues... Sir, Sir...

Prime Minister: Zzzzz..

Information Minister: Bissibelihulla!

Prime Minister: What! Dinner time already?

Information Minister: No, Sir, finance minister saying something important.

Industry Minister (Sotto voce to commerce minister): That's how this chap Ibrahim gets close to PM. Always whispering bisibelihulla, and PM thinks he's back in Hassan and wakes up.

Commerce minister (sotto voce to industry minister): Next time, I'll whisper 'Almatti' . That's really wake the old sod up!

Industry Minister (sotto voce to commerce minister): And, I'll shout 'Cauvery' -- he'll never sleep again!

Finance Minister: If the commerce minister and industry minister have quite finished their private conference, perhaps we could return to matters of rather greater national import?